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They are generally the ex-professional footballers that have the unique ability (among footballers) to string a coherent sentence together (sometimes).  They have the belief that they have some kind of insight and knowledge of the game which us mere mortals do not possess. 

In reality they generally spout the obvious using an array of historical cliches and badly executed metaphors.  We are, of course, talking about football pundits and below are our list of the five most annoying:

 

 Jim Beglin

Probably the quintessenial annoying commentator.  You may not know his name but you will certainly recognise his voice from ITV.  He is the channel’s main co-commentator and is the main reason why I find the BBC sport coverage far superior.

The man has the ability to pronounce the same name a thousand different ways, meaning during a World cup or European championships he really comes into his own.  My all time favourite has to be his pronouciation of Paraguay defender Chiqui Arce during the 2002 World cup. Genius!

 

 David Pleat

Pleat has really hung around in the media since his day’s as Spurs manager and I think I know why.  He has the ability to fill airtime like no other.  Unfortunately he fills it with a stream of incoherent nonsense, often tripping over his words and throwing away sentence after sentence, after sentence in order to make the simplest of points. ‘Get to the point Pleaty!’

 

 Graham Taylor 

Maybe my annoyance with Taylor stems from his uneventful term in the ‘biggest job in football.’ More likely it is his reliance on catchphrases.  ‘Do I not like that’ he is often heard to cry.  If you are referring to your poor grasp of your native tongue Taylor, then I wholeheartedly concur.

 

 Garth Crooks

So what is the most annoying thing about former Tottenham Hotspur man Garth Crooks.  Is it the questions he insists on asking, with the answer already in there?  Is it his array of extreme facial expressions that could put the most professional mime to shame?

Or is it his constant tendancy to dispute popular opinion, no matter what the evidence to the contray?  Surely it has to be his on screen disagreements with fellow pundits which seem to escalate to such heights that Crooks himself looks as though he’s going to stab someone.

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 Alan Hansen

For me Alan Hansen has to get the award for most annoying pundit.  Imust have sat through hour upon hour of the former Liverpool defender droning on and on about positioning goal side, with endless replays conplete with circling of out of position defenders.  His favourite word is abysmal and he seems to use it endlessly. ‘ The defending there was abysimal’.

I believe it was from his mouth that the famously disproved statement, ‘you canna win anything with kids’ was first released into the world.  Thanks Alan, but if you really do know so much about defending why not go and coach, and give us all a break!

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Guangzhou Evergrande extended their unbeaten run in the Chinese Super League to 11 with a 2-0 win over Shaanxi Chanba on Saturday.It took until late in the second half for them to find the breakthrough but they maintained their hold on top spot with the victory at the Tianhe Stadium.

Brazilian forward Muriqui opened the scoring on 76 minutes before midfielder Wu Pingfeng wrapped up victory in stoppage time.

Beijing Guoan were forced to settle for a 1-1 draw at home to Shandong Luneng.

Australian Joel Griffiths gave Beijing a 49th-minute lead and they looked to be headed for victory until Brazilian Obina struck a late equaliser.

Third-placed Liaoning Hongyun handed struggling Shenzhen Ruby a 6-1 belting.

Midfielder Yu Hanchao scored a brace, while Zhao Junzhe, Yang Xu, Valdo and Xing Xuefei were also on the scoresheet as Liaoning found the net three times in each half.

Only an own goal from Kim Yoo-Jin blemished an otherwise superb performance against bottom-placed Shenzhen.

Elsewhere, a goal from Uruguayan Paulo Pezzolano helped Hangzhou Lucheng to a 1-0 win over Shanghai Shenhua, while Nanchang Bayi slumped to a seventh-straight winless league game as an own goal from Sun Yifan handed Changchun Yatai a 1-0 win.

Qingdao Jonoon and the winless Henan Jianye played out a 1-1 draw, as did Dalian Shide and Tianjin Teda.

Meanwhile, Australian Bruce Djite struck the winner as Jiangsu Shuntian overcame Chengdu Blades 1-0.

Whenever I hear the name, Frank McAvennie, I instantly remember the legacy he left after appearing on Soccer AM. After failing to get the ball through the hole in the car-park game ‘Wembley’, he blasted the ball in frustration straight into a ball-boys face. The car-park is still known to this day as the ‘Frank McAvennie car-park.’ But after digging a little further, I realised the former West Ham and Celtic striker represents much more than a funny anecdote.

The story of McAvennie’s career could be used as a warning to any young professional footballer. Swept from a life as a street cleaner, the Scot’s life exploded into a tale of fame and fortune, which he now openly admits contributed to the demise of his career.

He became the poster-boy of the ‘80s. Scoring goals for fun, winning medals, drinking champagne and having glamour models hanging on his arms would have been just an ordinary Saturday night for the striker. But as with most celebrity-footballers, it was all too good to be true.

Ironically, before becoming a professional footballer, McAvennie attempted to join the British Army, before he started his career in Scotland playing for St. Mirren. Good form and plenty of goals attracted the attention of clubs south of the boarder, and in 1985, he signed for West Ham, forming a formidable partnership up front with Tony Cottee. McAvennie scored 26 in his first season, helping the Hammers to their highest ever league position; finishing third, only four points off winning the league. Not bad for someone who can’t hit the target.

West Ham’s failed to build on their promise and McAvennie became stale at Upton Park. In 1987 he signed for his boyhood club, Celtic. The striker earned himself a place in the record books at Parkhead. Chasing a league and cup double, Macavennie scored twice in the final late on to win the game 2-1.

Despite recapturing his goal-scoring form at Celtic, McAvennie yearned for the London lifestyle and resigned for West Ham in ‘89 for £1.2 million, becoming the Hammers’ record signing. Upton Park felt like home to the Scot, but after turning down Arsenal to return to his old stomping ground, he signalled the end of Frank McAvennie as a top quality striker. Arsenal went on to win the league that season and West Ham were relegated.

A broken leg and lack of form saw McAvennie leave Upton Park once again for Celtic, via Aston Villa for a brief and unsuccessful period. The next few years were spent trying to find his feet at different clubs: Celtic, Swindon, (where he suffered another relegation, this time for the Premier League) Falkirk and he finally ended his career at 35, where it had begun, St. Mirren.

So, when trying to remember the ‘good old days’ it is worth taking the time to really think about the career of Frank McAvennie; once, he really was a quality footballer. But the warning is there for anyone who considers taking the highlife.

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As I left Upton Park on Monday evening it was clear that no one knew whether to laugh or cry.

On one hand, we had just witnessed the type of home performance that we’ve been craving for months and salvaged a point from a game that looked all but over at the break. But on the other hand we knew that by dropping points we had an even steeper hill to climb if we were going to achieve automatic promotion.

Following Reading’s 1-0 win at Brighton last night, Allardyce’s men now have six points to make up in just four games. Although that’s only in the hope that one of Southampton or Reading don’t win more than six points from their remaining fixtures. It’s a huge ask. A monumental expectation. An almost impossible outcome. But it’s not mathematically impossible, meaning it can still be done.

Looking at the run-in, Reading arguably have the hardest. Yes, they have two consecutive home games with Nottingham Forest and Crystal Palace but, they’re sandwiched by two very tough trips to Southampton and Birmingham. They are two games I think they’ll struggle to get anything from, leaving us with the task of ensuring we take at least seven points from the remaining 12 available to clinch second spot.

It would be unfair on Southampton if they don’t get promoted as Champions and I think they’ll do just that by winning all of their final four games. That’s not something that should worry us, though. Winning the league, that is. All we need to worry about is winning our games and hoping either Reading slip up twice, why just Reading? Because if we claw back six points now, it’s goal difference that will determine who finishes 2nd. Reading’s goal difference is only two goals better off than ours at the moment, so they’re the team we’d want to level points with.

Despite the current circumstances, though, the Easter Bank Holiday weekend began in emphatic and historical fashion. Winning 4-0 away at Barnsley set a new club record for most away wins in a single season and the football we played on the day was synonymous of a promotion winning side. Problem is, we haven’t done that every week.

Regardless of whether we win promotion or not, I’m sure there will be an inquest in to why we’ve made this season such hard work. We’ve recently been labelled as arrogant by people in the media and fans of opposition clubs, but the fact of the matter is this – We should be beating teams like Doncaster, Watford, Crystal Palace, Bristol City and Ipswich with the manager, players and budget we have. There shouldn’t have been a contest.

It’s accepted that every now and then said teams might cause an upset (like Ipswich did with their 5-1 thrashing of us at Portman Road) but, on the whole, those games should have been won. Why they weren’t won is a subject of real debate. Tactics, complacency, naivety and lack of confidence could all come in to play. That’s something I go on about with a few more thousand words, but what I have to say about it is what many of you will probably already know, so I won’t bore you with it now.

We’re staring the play-offs square in the face right now and that doesn’t necessarily mean our dreams of promotion are dead and buried. Look at it this way, if we do go up through the play-offs then at least we can enjoy a good day out at Wembley in the process. All we can do at this stage is keep supporting the boys, keep believing that something might finally go our way and just hope we’ll all be toasting an immediate return to the promised land come the end of the season.

Keep the faith, Hammers. We can do it.

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Agree or disagree? Think it’s all over for us? Let me know on Twitter @jj2388

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There is no doubting that as a club, Newcastle has a good reputation across Europe. This is always illustrated when new signings state how proud they are to be joining a club with such a great tradition, Yohan Cabaye being the most recent example of this, and Newcastle’s fans are rightly highly regarded around the world. While there isn’t a shortage of players speaking highly about the Magpies, Michael Owen aside, Newcastle have received some praise from an unlikely source.

David Rozehnal didn’t exactly have the greatest of spells in the north-east. Signed from PSG in the summer of 2007 for around £3 million, just 6 months and 21 games later the Czech Republic international was off to Lazio on loan before making the move permanent 12 months after signing for Newcastle. A Sam Allardyce signature, I wouldn’t class Rozehnal as a decent signing, but he certainly wasn’t an out and out flop.

Even though Rozehnal’s time on Tyneside was so short-lived, it appears that he still enjoyed himself in the Premier League. He even put a good word in when talking to Cabaye, with the Frenchman stating: “I spoke to Charles N’Zogbia and David Rozehnal before joining Newcastle. They both said it was a good choice to come to Newcastle. They said I would have a great time, especially with the fans.” Let’s hope that he does and that it’s a great choice!

It’s nice to see that players only have good things to say about Newcastle. They say that it takes years to build a reputation that can be damaged forever in the blink of an eye, and Newcastle’s name has been dragged through the mud in recent years. But the important thing is that the club has come through it with its reputation intact, and hopefully that should play a part in attracting players to make the move to Tyneside this summer.

So, at least David Rozehnal’s spell at Newcastle wasn’t a complete waste of time. Then there’s N’Zogbia, and if he’s happy to put in a good word, maybe he’ll go one step further and put on the famous black and white striped shirt once more. I wonder if Alan Pardew has any more allies in the footballing world who can help him in his pursuit of top class players in the coming weeks?

Read more of Tom’s articles at his NEW Toon website ‘Nothing But Newcastle’

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Tottenham firmly announced themselves on the European stage this week, with a comfortable 3-1 defeat of holders Inter Milan. After their impressive by ultimately futile, second half display at the San Siro two weeks ago, this performance had Tottenham legends of the past comparing the victory to some of the club’s most memorable nights.

During a busy week for Spurs, there was also enough time for a controversial late goal conceded last week, and a very interesting game of cat and mouse between Harry Redknapp and the Premier League.

Wednesday’s result has sent the blogging networks into overdrive. There are entries on Gareth Bale’s rise from statistical burden to world beater, Peter Crouch’s none too impressive strike rate since his move from Portsmouth and potential transfer targets for Spurs during January’s window.

As always we also have the best of the web.

Featured articles of the week

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The Premier League’s new comic strip # 2

Walcott and Bale finally fulfilling the hype

Why Peter Crouch needs to take a back seat

Four transfer targets for Tottenham to ponder

Another FIVE things we learnt from Tottenham’s demolition

How Inter star failed his transfer audition at White Hart Lane

Give technology an inch in football, then eventually it will take a mile

One DEAL that Daniel Levy has to get right

There’s simply no better inspiration for Gareth Bale to follow

Spurs, Liverpool, United…whose need for Real Madrid swoop is greater?

WAG Weekly: Bale scores a beauty…well sort off!

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Click here to see the Best TOTTENHAM BLOGS around the Web this week

Best of the Web

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Do you know your history? – Dear Mr Levy

Inter for supper: Trotters for lunch – Spurs Musings with JimmyG2

Bale, Taxis and Two Fiddy’s Up – Who Framed Ruel Fox?

Sign This Petition And Help Get Him Sacked – Harry Hotspur

Another fine mess Mr Clattenburg- Spurs Musings with JimmyG2

After last week’s JPT final defeat at Wembley, Swindon were back in league action yesterday looking to increase the gap at the top of League Two.

However in a dire affair at the County Ground they had to share the spoils with Bristol Rovers after failing to find the cutting edge.

The best chance of the a rather uneventful match fell to Swindon’s Alan Connell whose shot hit the underside of the crossbar before bouncing away from goal after a superb Matt Ritchie cross. Di Canio’s men started brightly and could have been in front in the first few minutes if Jonathan Smith had made a better connection from just inside the box. Rovers tried to keep tight towards wingers Ritchie and Holmes so they could not pose the threat they have so often done this season. Matt Ritchie had a few crunching tackles come his way and after one, he had to receive treatment for a lengthy period due to a reckless challenge on the half-way line.

Rovers really didn’t test Wes Foderingham in the Robins’ net and mainly set out to frustrate the hosts and catch them on counter-attack with the likes of Chris Zebroski and Mustapha Carayol.  However Swindon dominated the first half and really should have gone in-front after numerous chances went begging.

Bristol Rovers’ danger man Carayol had to be replaced at the interval after his hamstring started to tighten up, being replaced by Michael Smith. The second half was more of an even affair with Swindon’s chances falling to Ronan Murray and Paul Benson, a long ball over the top to Murray saw Bevan come slightly off his line, Murray then tried to flick the ball over the keepers had but in the end it was an easy save for the former Torquay stopper. Holmes was full of energy and ran at the defence every time he had the chance, he got to the by-line and curled in a right-footed cross towards Benson whom tried a diving header towards to the near post but it just went wide.

Bristol Rovers never really look like scoring themselves but did look a threat on the counter attack as they went forward in search of a winner and the Pirates will probably be the happier of the two sides after this goal-less affair but the point certainly doesn’t harm our title ambitions. We remain two points clear of Torquay but importantly have two games in hand, starting this week away at struggling Barnet.

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Other results in League Two were also beneficial to the Robins’ title hopes yesterday as 10-men Shrewsbury could only draw at home to Aldershot while Crawley were held to a 0-0 draw away at Burton Albion.  This means if we can take all three points on Tuesday it will leave us eight points clear of 4th and one step closer to sealing promotion back to League One.

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Sir Alex Ferguson and Carlo Ancelotti have both been warned by the FA after making comments about referee Howard Webb.Manchester United boss Ferguson and Chelsea’s Ancelotti both made comments about Webb ahead of the Red Devil’s crucial 2-1 English Premier League win over Chelsea on May 8.

The Football Association (FA) said on Tuesday that the pair had broken the rule that forbids managers from talking about referees prior to a match.

“It was a minor breach but a breach nevertheless,” an FA statement said.

The chairman of the commission said Ferguson’s minor breach should act as a warning to all managers.

“This rule was brought in at the start of the 2009/10 season and this was reiterated formally to all clubs again on 21 October 2010,” the chairman said.

“This is a clear breach of the rule and it is the first such a matter has been placed in front of a commission.”

“As a result of this charge, the commission were aware of other occasions where pre-match comments were made by other managers.”

“In this case, it was considered to be a minor breach and it should be taken as a warning to all managers in the future that any such breach, even positive comments, are likely to result in a charge by the FA.”

Ancelotti was also warned for making similar comments, with the FA saying: “The Chelsea manager’s warning relates to his pre-match media comments prior to the Premier League match with Manchester United on May 8.”

United clinched their 19th league title with a 1-1 draw at Blackburn on Saturday, but it was the win over Chelsea on May 8 that put them well-clear in the title race.

Ferguson had made comments about Webb two days before the game, but was not critical of the official.

“We are getting the best referee. There is no doubt about that,” Ferguson said. “But (getting a bad decision) is definitely our big fear.”

Ancelotti’s comments were almost identical to his counterpart, saying: “Howard Webb is a fantastic referee, he has experience, he has skills, but this is football and sometimes when things are not good you speak about the bad decisions against you.”

Ferguson also received a five-game touchline ban and 30,000-pound fine for criticism of referee Martin Atkinson earlier in the year.

Little more than eight years ago, Cameroon defender George Elokobi stepped onto English soil for the first time. With no professional football career to speak off, even he could not have predicted such an impressive rise up the footballing ladder.

Elokobi settled in Welling he joined up with nearby non-league side Dulwich Hamlet, who are no strangers in helping the development of Premier League players. Peter Crouch, Marlon King and Leon Cort are just some of the players who spent time at Champion Hill.

An impressive 2003-04 season helped draw the attention of League One side Colchester United. The manager of the U’s at the time was Phil Parkinson and he decided to take Elokobi to Layer Road in June 2004.

Having not appeared for the first team for the first part of the season, Parkinson allowed Elokobi to join Chester City on loan in early 2005. Under the management of Ian Rush, the defender made his league debut against Swansea on January 29th. However, the loan spell turned out to be a disappointing one, with Chester losing the five games that Elokobi played in – with the final game ending prematurely after he got himself sent off.

The following season at Colchester turned out to be more successful as Elokobi forced his way in to the first team. Colchester had a good season themselves, securing promotion to the Championship by finishing runners-up in the division. The season also saw Elokobi score his first ever goal, during an LDV Vans Trophy match against Northampton.

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In the 2006-07, Elokobi made 10 league appearances as Colchester confounded everyone and finished 10th in the Championship. In the following season, Elokobi managed to make 17 appearances for Colchester as they struggled to repeat the impressive form they showed in the previous season. Despite scoring his first league goal, towards Christmas Elokobi found himself out of favour and, with the team near the bottom of the league, he handed in a transfer request.

On deadline day of the January 2008 transfer window, Mick McCarthy brought Elokobi to Molineux. All of a sudden, he found himself challenging for promotion instead of battling relegation! Elokobi established himself in the first team and made 15 appearances as Wolves narrowly missed out on a play-off position.

The 2008-09 season started well for Elokobi, who was now considered the first-choice left-back at Molineux. However, just a few games into the campaign, he suffered knee ligament damage during a match against Ipswich. The injury kept him out for the rest of the season and he had to watch on as Wolves stormed to the Championship title.

With the new Premier League campaign approaching, Elokobi worked hard to up his fitness. After being named on the bench for the opening two games, he made his Premier League debut when he came on as a substitute in the 1-0 defeat at Manchester City. He went on to make over 20 appearances as Wolves successfully avoided relegation and finished in 15th place.

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So far this year, George has been in and out of the team, but he did score his first Wolves goal during the Carling Cup defeat at Manchester United last month. However, his biggest achievement came early this week when he was called up to the Cameroon squad for the first time. He will join up with the likes of Samuel Eto’o and Alex Song at a training camp in France ahead of crucial fixtures against Senegal next year.

The Cameroon-born left-back, who proudly sports Cameroon sweatbands every match, truly is a rags to riches story. Elokobi is possibly one the most “physically gifted” players around, as he looks more like a quarter-back than a left-back when he lines up for Wolves.

I think it is fair to say that everyone can be happy for George, who has worked his way up the footballing ladder at an alarming rate. Let’s just hope Javier Clemente has enough faith to give George his international debut – well, I certainly wouldn’t want to be the one to tell him he’s no playing!

With so much pressure on managers and players to perform to the, often unrealistic, standards set for them by fans we should ask ourselves: are there other characters in the football pantomime who are often failed to be held to account? The people I’m talking about are of course the back room staff; the coaches, the assistant managers, the sporting directors and so on. How much influence do they really exert and should we be calling for a change in club staff as much as we do for managers?

Assistant Managers

The fact that Ray Wilkins’ departure last season coincided with a huge dip in form for Chelsea could be coincidental, but clearly it is too important a coincidence to overlook. Whilst nearly all eyes were focused on Carlo Ancelotti it was the absence of his number two that seemingly sparked the demise of Chelsea. They eventually recovered towards the end of the season but in the two months following the sacking of Ray Wilkins Chelsea took just seven league points from a possible twenty-seven including just one win in their nine Premier League games over that period.

Clearly this instance on its own is not enough to state the extent of the role that assistant coaches play in a club’s success, however when you look at the attitude of the most successful manager in British history then their importance is visible. Like any company, to enjoy consistent success football clubs need to reinvent themselves on a regular basis in order to keep up with the changing times of the industry. Whilst Alex Ferguson has been at United for over two decades he has had the foresight to change his assistant managers on a reasonably regular basis. During his time at the club he has worked alongside Archie Knox, Brian Kidd, Steve McClaren, Jimmy Ryan, Carlos Quieroz, Walter Smith and Mike Phelan.

I’m not saying that the continued success of Manchester United is down to the high turnover of staff, clearly Ferguson is the key factor; however, the assistants have invariably helped to add a freshness of ideas that is clearly lacking at other top clubs. Take Arsenal for example. Arsene Wenger, undoubtedly an exceptional manager, seems to have lost his way in recent years. Often it seems that the club are stuck in a rut and, whilst clearly this can’t be blamed purely on Wenger’s assistant Pat Rice, it is undeniable that the Northern Irish, former Arsenal defender has had a role to play. Rice has been assistant manager to Wenger ever since the Frenchman took over and whilst he enjoyed success early on he is indicative of the stagnation at the club, particularly if you consider Arsenal’s defensive frailties over the last few years (Rice is the defensive coach). It doesn’t mean that Rice is a bad coach or assistant, perhaps just that without fresh faces behind the scenes clubs like Arsenal, after a while, lack originality.

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You could also look at England under Fabio Capello. Capello’s number two was Franco Baldini who, it was said, conducted most of the team talks and ‘hands on’ elements to the national squad. If this is true then perhaps he too should be taking some of the blame for performances such as England’s during the World Cup in South Africa.

Bureaucracy

It’s not just the assistants that impact either. The bureaucratisation of football clubs has also had an impact on the teams’ performances. For example the ever-increasing numbers of ‘Directors of Football’ are hugely influential in a clubs success. Take Liverpool’s underwhelming league form this year. Arguably that is down to money poorly spent on expensive, average signings. Who was responsible for the signings of Andy Carroll, Stewart Downing and Jordan Henderson? Damien Comolli – Liverpool’s Director of Football. Or you could look at Chelsea where the hierarchy have signed players such as Kevin de Bruyne and Romelu Lukaku who, whilst excellent players, were not chosen by the manager and therefore hinder his performance in the role. Lukaku’s recent statement that he was unhappy about his lack of playing time is testament to the influence these individuals have behind the scenes and the negative effects they can have.

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I know a lot of this may seem obvious but the point I’m trying to make is that in a culture in which we are so quick to criticise players, to call for a change in the management of the club and express dissent at the earliest opportunity perhaps we should be looking at the other factors involved. Yes, Arsene Wenger seems to have lost his way a bit but is he actually a worse manager than he was in 2004 or does he just need to refresh his coaching staff? Yes, Villas-Boas has been poor this year but isn’t it understandable when the club keep buying players that he doesn’t want as he attempts to rebuild Chelsea’s squad; and yes, Daglish is hardly the same manager he was but can you blame him when £35m of his transfer money is spent on the likes of Andy Carroll? Ultimately the managers are accountable for the success or failure of a club but next time you find yourself calling for a manager’s head, or declaring your disgust at your manager’s choice of signings, take a minute to consider who else had a role to play.

Follow me on Twitter @H_Mackay

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